Monthly Archives: August 2014

Xanadu Review

A magnificent and holy soundtrack raped by the horrendous acting, the idiotic directing, the pathetic cinematography, the ridiculous script, the multitude of Big-Lipped Alligator Moments, and the overall stupidity of the film.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) Review

I must say, I there’s a lot that I like about this movie.  I don’t find the main characters very interesting or relatable, but the April O’Neil in the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is instantly more likable than Megan Fox’s take on the character.  Really, the animatronics are not perfect, but I still think they look good enough for the job, and are far cooler to look at than CGI turtles.  Splinter looks really great, and I often felt like he was a living creature, partly due to the performance given by Kevin Clash.  I think that having the guy who performsand voices Splinter being the same person helps make him seem especially real.  So, if you’re looking for great characters, the movie is alright, but from a technical standpoint, it’s really awesome.

The fighting looks very real, and some scenes are genuinely scary because of the ninjas that the turtles face and what they do.  There were many occasions in which I thought that the shots/cinematography looked fantastic, and the same goes for the musical score.  I really admired the way the story was structured as well.  Overall, this movie’s a little slow, but it’s good if you’re looking for the right things.  There’s a reason why this is considered to be a classic!  (But don’t show it to young children – that would be a mistake.)

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) Review

If you’re trying to choose between seeing Guardians of the Galaxy and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, there’s no question about it – see Guardians.  TMNT is really boring, not because it lacks in action, but because it is so cliche.  I couldn’t care about anything that happened because I had seen this plot before, I had seen villains just like these before, I had seen characters just like these before, and I had seen action scenes just like these before.  What makes the film even more boring is the lead character, April O’Neil, who is played by Megan Fox.  She’s essentially a version of Lois Lane with the personality of a Triscuit.

I don’t want to give Megan all the blame since I know that the writing and directing contributed a lot to the dullness of the character.  The sad part is, I couldn’t really get into the other characters all that much either.  The only turtle that I found somewhat relatable was Donatello, who did not have all that many lines.  Will Arnett, who I remember being very funny as LEGO Batman, was supposed to be funny in this film, but he really doesn’t get many laughs.  It actually took the movie about an hour to get me to laugh once, which is pretty sad, and what’s worse is that I was never concerned for any of the characters either.

There were some things about the movie that were actually pretty smart.  For example, and this is where this review gets spoilery, April O’Neal sort of had the turtles as pets, which makes it more believable when she felt the need to really pursue the answers to her questions about the turtles.  However, this makes it less believable that she just so happened to be the first person the turtles encounter (aside from the Foot Clan, which is also unrealistic since the Foot Clan is working with the creator of the turtles).  This is one of those movies that did have some thought put into it, but the number of coincidences that take place and the amount of nonsense the audience is expected to endure nullifies nearly all of it.  On the bright side, the animation looks nice, as are many of the shots in the film, but since the first shot in the movie is unnecessary shaky-cam, I wouldn’t call it a beautiful-looking film at all.

I want to give the movie some slack for being better than some fans expectations, and I know that Doug Walker’s review has many more good examples of things that were done well in the film.  I suppose if you were a kid, you would enjoy the movie a lot, and to the movie’s credit, it is mostly appropriate for a kid to watch, especially in comparison to most other superhero movies.  So, maybe take a kid to see it… maybe.  But if you want a movie that will show your kid what a good action/comedy movie with talking reptiles looks like, show him Muppets Most Wanted instead.

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Shaun of the Dead Review

I generally don’t like comedies that are filled with bloody violence, but after seeing the second movie in the Three Flavours Cornetto TrilogyHot Fuzz, I had to see the first, Shaun of the Dead.  Don’t think the blood didn’t bother me – I covered my eyes an awful lot.  However, the writing, directing, cinematography, acting, makeup, and effects, were all very good.  Several shots in the movie impressed me, as well as the jokes and foreshadowing.  Sadly, I am not familiar enough with the cliches in this genre to understand all the things that this film parodies, but the film is still pretty funny.

While I don’t think that this movie was quite as fun for me as Hot Fuzz, I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys zombies or dark comedies.

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Hannah and Her Sisters Review

So, I meant to review Hannah and Her Sisters several days ago when I watched the film, but I have been afraid to review it because… well, I don’t know.  This is just one of those movies that I can’t sort out my thoughts about.  I think I liked it, but I was getting rather bored during the film and was counting the minutes until it was over.  So much of the focus is on characters that I couldn’t care about that much.  I mean, the writing seemed good enough, and the actors weren’t bad; in fact, I liked the casting of Scrooge, Cora, and Princess Leia (and if you aren’t familiar with this film, look up the cast so you know what I’m talking about).  Still, somehow, the movie just didn’t grab me.  Aside from one part that is.

The character that Woody Allen plays is delightful and perfect.  This is a Woody Allen movie, so if I like Woody all that much, I should like all of the characters that the audience was supposed to like, not just the ones he played, right?  Well, somehow, Woody’s character, Mickey, is the best part of the film, even though he is essentially a side character.  I couldn’t figure out why the film wasn’t about him!  The experiences he goes through and the way he handles them are really interesting, and he is very fun to watch and listen to.  When he goes into the movie house towards the end, I cheered when the movie he watched was one of my favorite movies of all time!  And then, the movie went back to focusing on the other characters, and it was boring again.

It’s difficult for me to say whether or not I liked it since there was so much that was done well, and so much that I adored, and yet so much that I did not enjoy.  It does have an interesting artistic style, and a pretty good soundtrack, but that doesn’t really help the slow story all that much.  I was going to give this movie only 3 stars, but because the film features Duck Soup, I’ll add half a star.  Hopefully the next Woody Allen movie I watch will be a bit more fun for me.

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Hello World!

Yes, I actually am keeping the “Hello World!” post and editing it rather than deleting it.

This website was purchased shortly after someone speaking at my college (HCC, in August of 2014) told us students that we all ought to buy ourselves domain names, our names specifically.  While I have been building the website with the intention of using as a professional website for myself, to put up demos of my work and promote myself and such, I decided it would be good for me to have a blog where I could write articles/essays/pieces that are better suited for a personal website than a social media website.  So if it is not relevant to, too long to be a post on Tumblr, or I have no better place to display it, it will probably end up on this little blog.  I think I have tried to do a professional website or blog before, but it did not work well in the past as I was less experienced.  Hopefully, this will be an opportunity for me to share my thoughts publicly and get good feedback in the best way possible.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Review

This movie is focused and is satisfying.  That’s really the best way to describe it.  The story is pretty simple – the Ministry is taking over Hogwarts and is keeping the students from practicing defensive spells, so Harry and his friends decide to secretly teach their fellow students to defend themselves against the Dark Lord.  Well, maybe it’s not really simple, but that’s about as simple as it gets in a Potter film.  The point is, the focus is on the main characters and their friendship, as apposed to the third and fourth Potter films, which were focused on events, scaring the audience, and teenage drama.  This film is certainly a step up.

There are many reasons why the film is probably best described as satisfying, and I must warn you that they include spoilers.  First, it satisfies our need for information by showing us things like the past of Severus Snape.  Second, it satisfies my need for a break between the dramatic and frightening scenes with comedic scenes.  Third, it satisfies everyone’s need for the most annoying/despicable character in the film, Dolores Umbridge, getting captured by angry centaurs and arguably raped (look it up).  Fourth, it satisfies my personal need for lots and lots of Hermione being Hermione.  I think that this film was a return to the fun of the first two Potter films, perhaps because of it’s Rooney/Garland movie feel.  (Oh, and the directing and cinematography and effects and stuff are good too.)

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